a consuming addiction

10/5/07 Update:  This forum is not tomorrow like I thought it was – it is the following Saturday! That means it is October 13th 🙂 My wife had to point this out to me…

There’s this forum event coming up a week from tomorrow in Richmond to discuss pornography … I posted about it awhile ago here. But I’ve been wanting to actually bring up the topic in some detail and be a little real and honest about it.

It can be a consuming addiction – even where you kind-of plan your life around finding time for it. You tell yourself it makes you “feel good”, but to be honest, it’s just not healthy. Why not? Because you’re just fantasizing things in your mind to stimulate yourself, and it’s not realistic for any actual relationship you might be in (now or in the future).

I’ve known this issue well for years. I definitely planned around it and kept quite a horde of it in various places that were quite well-hidden. But a few years ago, someone actually called me out on it – and I realized they were right but even more importantly the Grace of God helped me out of the addiction. About a year later of really struggling on this, I made some real progress. I still struggle occasionally, but it’s not a daily or weekly addiction like it was… Honestly – I still stumble. But I know some truth about this that in my opinion can be hardly ignored… especially considering cultural statistics.

“Don’t lust for her beauty. Don’t let her coyness seduce you. For a prostitute will bring you to poverty, and sleeping with another man’s wife may cost you your very life. Can a man scoop fire into his lap and not be burned?” Proverbs 6

Does anyone not realize what can happen cheating on your wife/husband? Losing what could and should be the deepest relationship with another person, your kids and quite possibly their respect, your home, maybe a job (or at least a large portion of the pay), etc. sure should sounds to me like it “may cost you your very life”. Divorce may just be the beginning of the iceberg… Oh yeah, I almost forgot that the husband of that wife you cheated on might do something to you that “may cost you your very life” too!

“But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust in his eye has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew 5

Jesus really cuts to the heart of the issue – it’s not about physically doing the deed – it’s even when we “think” about doing the deed, because it comes from the heart. Mental adultery! This is not the same as natural interest in the opposite sex – it’s about the fantasies that we come up with it that would be adultery if we acted them out.

“I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust upon a young woman.” Job 31

Only a guy like Job who is known as a man of true patience could I believe would say this… can anyone truly live up to this though? I really wonder. But we can certainly try, can’t we? How you might ask – by removing whatever makes you stumble: Hotel room adult channels; Having your computer out of the way and somewhere where people/your family couldn’t easily see like the basement; Staying up late on the computer [I do this now but really struggled with it and still am afraid I might struggle with this again…]; etc.

I have no clue if this came even close to illustrate and show you what I am trying to say. I also know that by and far I never hear anyone saying this is wrong, but IT IS WRONG. And it’s one huge problem and a STRUGGLE for I’m fairly sure every guy.

It also seems quite possible that the ramifications of this can affect relationships for the next generation. I’m not 100% sure if my generation (I thought maybe X or Y but apparently I’m a Millenial) is the first to probably have the majority of our parents divorced, but it sure seems like it sometimes. It leaves me wondering what it takes to not eventually have a broken marriage – and also what it takes to have a successful marriage. I occasionally read articles pondering if couples are now not getting married just because they don’t see marriage as a stable thing that will last, but in my mind if your relationship is going to fail it will fail whether or not you are married won’t it?

I’m not here to condemn others because if you haven’t heard it yet, I struggle with this porn/lust thing too. The goal for this post is to really raise awareness, and maybe drum up interest in the forum event Saturday Oct. 6th at Midlothian Middle School. For more info, check it out –> Richmond Porn and Pancakes.

Well, what do you think about this?


One response to “a consuming addiction

  1. Good post. it provoked me to comment that every and any addiction begins in escapism. the fantasy. it becomes addiction with the illusion that the escapist has control of his/her escape. Choosing reality is the first step in coming out of any addiction, deciding there is something worth the trouble. Just like saving a marriage by walking away from self-delusion or saving your life by stepping away fom the cliff and wading into the muck and mess that years of careless living can create. I’ve walked away from more than one addiction in my almost 50 years on this planet. each one makes you feel like you’re starting over from scratch, with nothing, you’ll never make it and you’re just not worth the trouble. But, God knows better and He is merciful.

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